JUST SO YOU KNOW WHO I AM...

I am an auditor (but I'm not bitter).
I don't wear a pocket protector.
I don't carry a calculator at all times, but I can use it without looking at the numbers.
I get psyched for business casual.
I carry a laptop, not because I think it's cool, but because I have to.
It's certainly not cool when you have to carry it across town in the middle of the summer...along with two other bags and a box of workpapers.

I have lots of paper cuts...not from regular paper, but ones that hurt from pockets and folders.
I have a desk, and I have a phone, but I'm never at either of them. I sit at a table meant for 4 with 8 other people.
I work with people everyday, but everyone thinks I have no social skills. They fail to realize that after talking to incompetent people throughout the day the last thing I want to do is talk to anyone!

I dream about financial statement presentation and proper timing of accruals.
I spend significant amounts of time waiting for others to do their job; and when they're done, it's still not right, even though they've been doing it for 10 years.

I know GAAP is crap...but it's the best thing we've got.
By God, if you ask me one more question about how to do your taxes, I might just rip your head off!!!!
I work overtime six months out of the year, and then get told to watch how much time I spend on my work. Then, I try not to spend too much time on my work, only to get told my bonus is based on overtime. Oh wait, we don't get bonuses!

I have an apartment, but it's really just a place to store my clothes and old workpapers that the garbage men won't even take.

I can cook, but I can't remember the last time I came home and wanted to.
I'm just a person who went to school for way too long, who is overworked, and underpaid, who gets no respect for my work, and has finally realized that my entire career is based on providing information no one understands, to people who couldn't care less.

I can drink better than anyone. Is it any wonder why? I've been promoted six times in the last two years, not because I'm competent but because all the competent people had the smarts to leave.

My name is YUSUF DESAI and I am.... an auditor!!!