JoE'S JOURNAL EPISODE 4

Hey Peeps,

So this is what happened in the recent past... I got stuck on campus... i got sick... still am for those interested.

Anyways apart from that the week was really cool i suppose, I went to a book signing session which was a new and different experience for me, I managed to complete most of my work in time and produce the quality that i'm reknowned for, I even had time to go and see Oceans 13! As fo my soccer team, The Spartans, we also had one of our greatest victories on friday thumping our opposition with a great display of sheer skill and class playing football of the highest quality!And so all in all i guess not too shabby ey nige... lol!

The book signing session was by some famous children's author Anthony Horrowitz (Hope i got that right!) who was actually quite funny and entertaining... Isn't it amazing that all authors always seem to have quite lively imaginations hey? Anyways i felt like a kid after that so i had to go have the one thing in the world that make me feel a little more grown up... WAFFLES!!!

Oceans 13 was a nice movie, much better than 12... but the more important discovery i made while at the movies ws that i probably watch too many movies since i literally saw every movie that's currently out on circuit!

And lastly, for the sports fans out there... what a fantastic weekend we had!

- South Africa winning the tri nations clash with the aussies the way they did showing guts and determination in preserving australia's winless streak in south africa which stretches back 7 years!

- The formula one with Alonso vs Hamilton bringing back memories of the old great rivalry of Senna and Prost. And while we are on the topic of cars this is the Alpha i saw at pavillion on the weekend... ill do anything to have one!!!

- And if you missed out on the final round of the la liga, you truly missed out! The league that nobody wanted to win was eventually won by Real Madrid, on wins! That's right, points were tied at 76 between barca and madrid!

Your ailing once former great specimen of the human being,

Yusuf

TAX YEAR...

At the end of the tax year the tax office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the rabbi and said "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle dripping?" Good question, noted the rabbi."We save them up and send them back to the candle makers and every now andthen they send us a box of free candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But he went on, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" "Ah yes," replied the rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers."

"I see", replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster theknow it all rabbi."Well, rabbi," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?!"Here too we do not waste," answered the rabbi. "What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick!!"

JoE's JOURNAL EPISODE 3

Hey Peeps,

It's been a long and frustrating week and yet again your favourite superhero comes up trumps!I've been away from home most of the time this week basically living as if i were boarding there.

The following picture was taken one of the nights out with my friends. A true moment of inspiration i say!

Oh if you saw my google post (see below), the other discovery i made is that my blog is the 3rd item on the search list.So the new goal is to get it up to numero uno. So my loyal peeps do whatever it is you do and make it happen for me!

Your friendly neighbourhood spiderman,

Yusuf

JoE's JOURNAL EPISODE 2

Hey Peeps,

It's that time of the week again, part 2 of this wonderfully absorbing narrative that is my life... I think somebody should actually write a book about me and all my experiences. Anyways it's been a really really hectic working week for me at the office finishing late because of the amnesty's and trying to have a social life aswell. I'm alive and it's friday so i guess that makes me living proof that miracles do happen!

The picture below is the licence disk sticker in my car. I think it's cute... tell me what you think...

Till the next time, Have a great weekend...

Yusuf

JoE'S JOURNAL EPISODE 1

Hey peeps,

Welcome to my journal, the forum in which i tell you stuff that you not necessarily want to hear but will read nonetheless because i make it so appealing!

Anyways, this was supposed to go off on wednesday (sorry ZoE) but due to our server being down, todays the day! This is the picture that was taken on photo day at the office. As usual the day you want to look the best is the day everything goes wrong! Please tell me what you think...

Talk about old and all grown up! Those who know me will tell you that's not me! :)

Till my next post,

Yusuf

COMPREHENDING ACCOUNTANTS...

Comprehending Accountants - Take One

Two accountancy students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second accountant replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The first accountant nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't fit."

Comprehending Accountants - Take Two

An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The accountant said, "I like both." "Both?" The accountant replied "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the office and get some work done."

Comprehending Accountants - Take Three

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the accountant, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Comprehending Accountants - Take Four

An Accountant and His Frog An accountant was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess". He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week". The accountant took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the accountant took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The accountant said, "Look I'm an accountant. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Comprehending Accountants - Take Five

A businessman was interviewing applicants for the position of Divisional Manager. He devised a simple test to select the most suitable person for the job. He asked each applicant the question, "What is two and two"? The first interviewee was a journalist. His answer was "twenty-two." The second applicant was an engineer. He pulled out a calculator and showed the answer to be between 3.999999 and 4.000001. The next person was a lawyer. He stated that in the case of Jenkins v. Commr of Stamp Duties (Qld), two and two was proven to be four. The last applicant was an accountant. The business man asked him, "How much is two and two?" The accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it then came back and sat down. He leaned across the desk and said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?" He got the job.

ACCOUNTANCY JOKES...

What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.

When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.

What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?
Invite an accountant.

What does an accountant use for birth control?
His personality.

What's the difference between the male sperm and an accountant?
The sperm has a 1 in 250,000 chance of becoming human.

What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?
The accountant knows he is boring.

What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

What's the definition of unlikely?
A photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants - Nude!'.

What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

What did the terrorist who hijacked a plane full of accountants threaten to do if his demands weren't met?
Release one every hour.

What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.

What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?
It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait......

The accountant was visiting the Museum of Natural History and said to the person standing next to him, "That dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old."
"How did you get such exact information?""I was here ten months ago and the guide said the dinosaur was two billion years old."

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.

What does it mean when an accountant is drooling out of both sides of his mouth?
His desk is level

What do you call an accountant without a spreadsheet?
Lost

If an accountant's wife can' t get to sleep, what does she say?
"Tell me about work today, dear"

When do accountants laugh out loud?
When somebody asks for a raise

Why do accountants get excited on Saturdays?
They can wear casual clothes to work

What's an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

Why did he cross back?
So he could charge the client for travel expenses.

How many auditors does it take to change a light bulb?
How many did it take last year?

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one to check it was done within budget.

How many cost accountants does it take to change a light bulb?
Hmmm........I'll just do a few numbers and get back to you